The wrong decision can kill you.

I had a self-reflective moment last night when I got home. Maybe it was the liquor thinking for me. Maybe I need to stop throwing my thoughts into the back of my head and actually deal with them for once. I feel as though I think a lot about stupid superficial things to keep myself from focusing too much on the things that actually matter in life. I'm at a point in my life where... I don't know where the hell I've been, what I'm doing now, or where I'm going in the future. It kind of scares me that I really don't care. So much has happened in the past year, a lot of things have changed. I've changed a lot. Or have I? I hope I have. For the better. When you're just about to die, you realize... that not too much in life really matters. All my life I've focused on the details, when ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS IS THE BIG PICTURE. I've done so many things in the past few years that I truly regret. I wish I cared more. I wish I had more will power. I wish I would've tried harder where it mattered the most. There are some experiences in life I'd like to re-live all over again. There are some situations that I wish I would've worked harder to prevent. But then again, I keep coming back to the idea that: EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. How true is this statement though? Are all of my accomplishments and shortcomings planned out in some book somewhere? Does the Almighty Creator have my every move in life mapped out? When am I gonna die? How? OMG I really have way too many crazy questions. I think that's why I sit and think about superficial things. Things that I actually understand and know and can see and feel. I wonder about things. I get kind of scared thinking about things that I know will never happen. Is this paranoia? Or is it healthy to think about these things? Am I just aware of my surroundings or am I crazy? Oh well. I hope I can learn from my past mistakes. I also hope that I can react better to certain situations. I need to think more positively and look optimistically toward the future. EASIER SAID THAN DONE. But as least I can try. If I'm not able to prevent a bad situation, I hope that I'm at least able to fix it afterward. Does that make any sense?