The wrong decision can kill you.

I had a self-reflective moment last night when I got home. Maybe it was the liquor thinking for me. Maybe I need to stop throwing my thoughts into the back of my head and actually deal with them for once. I feel as though I think a lot about stupid superficial things to keep myself from focusing too much on the things that actually matter in life. I'm at a point in my life where... I don't know where the hell I've been, what I'm doing now, or where I'm going in the future. It kind of scares me that I really don't care. So much has happened in the past year, a lot of things have changed. I've changed a lot. Or have I? I hope I have. For the better. When you're just about to die, you realize... that not too much in life really matters. All my life I've focused on the details, when ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS IS THE BIG PICTURE. I've done so many things in the past few years that I truly regret. I wish I cared more. I wish I had more will power. I wish I would've tried harder where it mattered the most. There are some experiences in life I'd like to re-live all over again. There are some situations that I wish I would've worked harder to prevent. But then again, I keep coming back to the idea that: EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. How true is this statement though? Are all of my accomplishments and shortcomings planned out in some book somewhere? Does the Almighty Creator have my every move in life mapped out? When am I gonna die? How? OMG I really have way too many crazy questions. I think that's why I sit and think about superficial things. Things that I actually understand and know and can see and feel. I wonder about things. I get kind of scared thinking about things that I know will never happen. Is this paranoia? Or is it healthy to think about these things? Am I just aware of my surroundings or am I crazy? Oh well. I hope I can learn from my past mistakes. I also hope that I can react better to certain situations. I need to think more positively and look optimistically toward the future. EASIER SAID THAN DONE. But as least I can try. If I'm not able to prevent a bad situation, I hope that I'm at least able to fix it afterward. Does that make any sense?

60 Random Questions Quiz.

I just took this 60 Question Quiz. I answered everything to the best of my ability, but it was pretty time consuming so I was obviously kind of annoyed at the end of it hahahahaha tell me what you think. And answer YOUR favorite question!!!! :]

1. What color is you hair?: BLACK NO. 1!!!!!!!
2. Drama?: Hahahahahaha I try to stay away from it.
3. Are you a girly girl?: I guess I'm a girly boy? Hahahaha
4. Who was the last person you hugged?: I don't remember hahahaha I'll remember to keep tabs next time...
5. Small or large purses?: GIGANTIC. I sometimes carry pieces of luggage around as regular bags.
6. Are you short?: I'm far from short. I'm like 6'2"
7. Do you like somebody: Sometimes I do, but I usually don't.
8. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?: Charge them extra.
9. Do you care if your socks are dirty?: My socks are usually clean because I do laundry pretty often. Or someone does it for me. Lol.
10. Do you dress up on Halloween?: Everyday is Halloween hahahahaha
11. Are you double jointed?: No. I don't do drugs...
12. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?: Um... I can stay awake for long periods of time so I ten to sleep only in BEDS. hahaha
13. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?: Um that's a silly question. Hahahaha
15. Do you call anybody by their last name?: I don't know. I never call anyone by their real names anywayyyyy.
16. How many guys will read this? Um idk. I don't think ANY other guys have LUUUX accounts...
17. What color is your bra that your wearing?: I'm wearing a black tank top from American Apparel cuz I'm a boy. Hahahaha
18. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?: Usually dark. I just prefer him to HAVE hair lol.
19. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?: Hell no I don't allow myself to become frustrated over things like that hahahaha
20. Do you have a best friend(s)?: My dog, Coco. Hahahaha
21. Have you ever had your heart broken?: I've never left it sitting around long enough to get brokennnnn
22. What size shoe do you wear?: Um a 12 in US. And a 46 in European.
23. Do you like your life?: I love mah liiiiiife hahahahaha or else I would change it around a bit...
24. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?: Hahahahahaha nahhhh fukk datttt
25. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?: Very many many many times... And then I end up taking them off hahahahaha
26. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?: Girls, obviouslyyyyyyyyy
27. Do you wear extensions? I used to rock the 8 inch Black No. 1 weave all the time but not any more cuz I value my hair's health...
28. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?: Yes, many times... It's a pastime...
29. What are your biggest fears?: Dying unexpectedly. Ugly things. Getting lost. Jail. Hahahaha
30. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: No I finish whatever I'm doing before I go to sleep.
31. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?: I can easily switch my attention to something else if I need to. It's called eBay.
32. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?: It depends on the person. You shouldn't be with someone if you can't stay faithful to them
33. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?: OBVIOUSLY YES. Hahahahaha
34. Do you ever wish you were famous?: Define famous.
35. Are you currently missing someone? Yeah I miss people all the time. But eventually I'll forget about them.

***Your pick...***

36. Eyeliner or Mascara?: EYELINER
37. Louis Vuitton or Dooney & Bourke?: LOUIS VUITTON ALL THE WAY!! I have a closet full of LV but not a single DB piece hahahaha ghetto
38. Heels or flats? HIGH-TOPS.
39. Skirts or pants?: um LEGGINGS. and SKINNY JEANS.
40. Socks or leggings?: YAYYY LEGGINGS NIGGAAAAAAAA
41. Sweatshirts or jackets?: hoodies and leathaaaaa jackets
42. Flip Flops or sneakers?: i hate flipflops!!! high-top sneakerrrrzzzzzzz all the wayyyyy
43. Straight or curly hair?: STRAIGHT AS DEATH
44. Hoop or dangling earrings?: angel bites on my upper lippppppp
45. White or black?: BLACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK like my heart hahahahahaha
46. Victoria’s Secret or Bath and Body Works?: DIOR!!!!!!!!!
47. Smoothies or lattes? : FRAPPUCCINOS, HO!!!!!!!!
48. Diet or regular sodas?: DIET COKE OR DIIIIIIEEEEEEEE
49. Orange juice or Apple juice?: champagne
50. Pearls or diamonds?: DIAMONDS ARE FOREVERRRRRRRRR
51. Vintage or boho?: vintage. and tackyyyy.
52. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?: Rachel Zoe.
53. Lindsay or Hilary?: LINDSAY, THE COKE-WHORE QUEEN OF THE FIRE-CROTCHES.
54. Ipod or cell phone?: BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!
55. Friends or family?: family
56. Lip gloss or lip stick?: NUDE LIPSTICKKKKK TIL I DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
57. Manicure or pedicure?: i cut my nails with a nail clipper then i file them
58. Tiffany’s or Chanel?: I GOT 'EM BOTH
59. Love or peace?: LIPGLOSSSSSS
60. Sunglasses or purses? big designer purses with oversized, overpriced sunglasses in them!!!!!!

I am as vain as I allow.

I haven't posted on this blog in a very long time. I think I just lost interest in it. I wasn't motivated to talk about my thoughts anymore. It seems as though so many things have happened since I posted last. I, personally, haven't really changed at all though. I still don't do anything constructive with my time. I really don't contribute to society in anyway. I keep my house clean and I stay out of trouble. I avoid speaking to my parents at all costs just to avoid drama and confrontations. I know it's not the best type of relationship to have with the people that gave you life, but I guess it's safe. I'm still obsessed with buying things that I don't need. I've gone on a major makeup purchasing spree lately. For the past six months I've bought enough makeup for like 40 people to use over the course of like 2 years. I haven't really been into going out of town for raves and clubs all that much lately. I like staying local nowadays. Maybe I've been paranoid about bad things lately so I just stick to doing what I'm comfortable with. I've been doing the whole house party thing a lot more lately. I still don't really have any responsibilities. I still go through friends as often as I change handbags. I'm not really good at holding onto people. I don't burn bridges to be malicious, I just feel as though I need a break from particular people pretty often and then misunderstandings arise, and the next things I know, I've got more enemies than acquaintances. I do, however, wish all of the people nothing but the absolute best for the future. I try not to harbor resentments for people in my past. The summer is slowly coming to an end. It's almost as though nothing came out of this summer at all. I met some pretty awesome people, but I didn't really get the most out of the warmest, most carefree season this year. I used to be so much more extraverted, I used to to so many more risks. Maybe as I get older, I feel as though I should take less risks to stay out of trouble. I don't really experiment with illegal substances anymore. I barely even drink or socially smoke anymore hahahahaha.... I've recently been really into Makeup and Beauty Blogs and Online Makeup Tutorials. I'm so fuckin outrageous, HUH!!?!?!? That's another thing, I really don't cuss all that much anymore. Of course, when I'm angry, I may pepper my language with the occasional bad word, but for the most part, I avoid profanity. I've realized a lot of things about myself lately. In fact, I'm starting to realize why I don't like posting "blogs" all that much. They're tedious. It's nearly impossible to organize my thoughts when just pulling them out of my head. But, then again, this is just a bunch of things I'm thinking about. It doesn't have to be organized at all. This keyboard is really starting to annoy me. I've really been into Dubstep lately.

I'm Kind of Over Lights and Music.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG so i'm so dumb that i totally forgot my password to this blog. i guess i just didn't use it as often as i should have. i'm obsessed with myspace and twitter and facebook. why should it be so fucking difficult for my to post on here? it's pretty much the same damn thing, but at least i don't have to stay under 140 characters. i guess i don't like posting on here because i don't get that much of a response on this site. even though that's not what it's made for... but nonetheless, i should make a list of ALL the things i'd rather be doing than blogging. pretty much it's just a list of what i do throughout a normal day. sleep. straighten my hair. put makeup on. take pictures of myself. cook. eat. clean. shower. twitter. myspace. talk on the phone. email. download and listen to music. suck on bottles of liquor. roll. dance. get and give lightshows. gossip. yell. watch desperate housewives. watch real housewives of atlanta. chit. chat. argue. think. yeah this is a pretty pointless post. i guess i just typed it to help me think a bit. but yeah i really should post more. i can complain about things, and not too many people would have to hear it.

for a change of thoughts:

i'm over rolling. i don't find it to be fun and AMAAAAAAAAAAZING and orgasmic anymore. i think i just really need a break from it. i know i love it a lot, but like, if i don't do it for a while, i feel like i can appreciate it more. i'm even kinda over electro and techno and shit like that for right now. i've been listening to slower, more melodic music lately... no more remixed panic attacks.... i'll get sick of boring music soon and i'll wanna hear nothing but electro again. in like a week. or two. i'm not really annoyed right now... i just want a change of scenery. i think i just need a new foundation color and some siouxsie and the banshees eyebrows. that sees to be the internation cure-all these days. it's amazing how pretty much every episode of desperate housewives can ALWAYS make me LAUGH, CRY, GET MAD, AND feel somewhat ANXIOUS.

omg i'm always paranoid that my mom's going through all my shit. i fucking hate her most of the time. she probably is going through my shit right now. i hear her rustling around through stuff on the other side of the house. i just get really pissed off when something of hers goes missing and she like goes through all my drawers and my closet and my nightstand and shit. she never finds what she's looking for because either i didn't take the item in the first place, or i'm smart enough not to fuckingh hide it in my room. i get annoyed when bags and leggings of mine go missing because she finds them in my room and thinks their hers. i wish my mom would calm the fuck down and have a drink or something... goshhhhhhhh

life's been pretty fucking bland lately. this time last year, life was pretty fucking amazing, and i was on top of the fucking world. oh well, people... situations... friendships... life situations.... they come and go.... things get better. then things suck. life's a really fucking annoying cycle. never mind, my mom just called me into her room to help her close her sliding door. i guess that's what that noise was. but i still fucking hate her for going through my shit all the time. lol i'm a very paranoid person. i straighten my hair and put makeup on before i go to sleep sometimes. a lot of the time. i need a vacation. i kinda wanna go live in la again for a little bit. i like typing on computers much better than typing on my ipod touch. that remiiiiiiiiiinds me i need to download a few songs.

you know what i find to be very fucking annoying right now?! missing people in the past. omg that topic keeps crossing my mind right now. i really wish certain things hadn't happened the way that they had. but i guess EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A FUCKING REASON. oh welllllllll. even though i remember lots of the negative aspects of these people in my past, i can still remember a lot of fun times i had with them. the fun kind of outweighs the negativity. i'm pretty sure i could find a way to contact all these people too. i just don't want to though. i have way too much fucking pride to ever converse with them ever again. not that we all parted on bad terms, but like.... why should i talk to them again? why should i make them think that i want them back in my lives? that i neeeeeeeeeeeeed them or something? they're obviously in my past for a reason. i grew out of that phase. i got over them. i didn't want to be that person anymore. i'm decently satisfied with where i am right now. i know too many people. sometimes i wish i could just get them all together at my house and just talk to them all. but a lot of them are, overall, pretty bad people. like i wouldn't want my parents to know that i've hungout with someone like that. WOW i've changed a lot over these past few years. A LOT has happened to me these past few years. mmmmmmmmkay i guess i've typed enough. i should go paint on my face and make my hair look messy some more.... or maybe i'll waste a few hours on the phone. MY PICK.

In sickness and in health...

Ew I just woke up and I'M SICK!!!! Omg I'm barely ever sick!!! I'm really congested and my throat hurts like hell. Uuggghhh I need a drink or two and I just wanna go shopping lol. I hate typing on this thing cuz it's so tiny. I really should dye my hair again later on today. I can't fuckin wait till Thanksgiving lol. Ew I really do feel sickkkk this is horrible lol... Oh well it's not like I had anything important planned coming up. Ew I still needa go down to the DMV and re-new my fuckin license. && I want Pho!! I feel like I'm just posting a really long pointless myspace bulletin that will NOT be read by 7,000 people hahahaha

Hit the hay and sleep all day.

I'm just starting to get the general idea of blogging. I guess I've been blogging for years but I've never really thought about it. I'm mad that my nails are messed up already. I'm ready to go to sleep now, at about 6:30 in the morning. I really hope I can remember my password to this when I wake up. I hope I even remember making a blog at all once I've woken up hahahaha I feel like this is a bulletin on myspace or a neverending twit/tweet on twitter hahahaha goodnight.

I don't work, I don't go to school, I just hit that bitch with a bottle.

Lol i dont do anything constructive with my life. I might as well waste some time talking about all the things I don't do. As I usually stay out all night and sleep all day, there obviously isn't too much substance to my life right now. At least I wake up every afternoon at around 4 to make sure I get to watch Desperate Housewives everyday. My throat hurts a lot and I'm kinda congested. I hope I don't get sick. It hurts to type like this. Why did I start this post off with Lol? Kinda gross.